08 December, 2010

Parenting difficult children...continued

Wow, I've been touched by the deep responses I've received to yesterday's post. People with children of varied ages, up into their adult years. Be encouraged, folks. Parents have gone before us and have survived, and their children have too!

Since we're on the topic I have another post to add. 

You might have the impression that I have only one difficult child. Well, the challenges are different, but two out of our three boys I would classify as difficult. The second one is probably somewhat less troublesome because he doesn't cause problems at school, in fact his teachers probably wonder what I am talking about, calling him a difficult child.

Those particularly difficult years of our eldest son's overlapped with difficult years for our youngest, but he was a challenge from very young. In fact I still carry a repetitive strain injury that came from strapping our spirited, strong-willed child into his car-seat as a toddler.

It wasn't until we found this book, Raising Your Spirited Child, that our son started to make sense. The author seems to have met our middle son! "Spirited child" is a phrase she's coined and it fits so well. Our son is more intense, persistent and perceptive, just as the cover proclaims. Thankfully those characteristics seem to be helping him behave and achieve well at school. Sometimes so well that he cannot hold it all in any more when he comes home and lets all the bad out on us.

If you have a child like this, I cannot recommend this book highly enough. It's helped us to see the positives in a child who can easily bring out the worst in a parent and make you despair.

I've heard it said that often people stop having children after their most difficult child. Well, that isn't the case in our family. Our third child is the most "normal" and a delight (though not perfectly good at all). We continue to be amazed at how he does and learns things with ease that his brothers struggled and fought over.

They all have wonderful strengths, not the least being that they're all quite intelligent and ask amazing questions. I am thankful.

But in the end, I am encouraged to persevere. I spent some time this morning doing a Bible word study on the word "persevere". It was encouraging. God values perseverance. I'm always challenged by this passage:

Hebrews 12

 1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

And I cannot finish without sharing with you the key verse I've taken for parenting. 
Galatians 6:9:

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

A couple of my friends have read this book. I've heard its a really good one ... perhaps I should read it too.

Corey and Nicki Shields said...

I will have to look into this book. I found Dr. Dana Spears' book, Strong Willed Child or Dreamer, to be a particularly insightful insightful book into our oldest. I think that the author was writing about him, but just changed the names in her examples1